self help...

[bluecastle]

In the course of trawling around the internets (I keep typing that "internests") I came across this book that I was intrigued to read called,

I Thought it was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power by Brene Brown.

Brene's a shame researcher, and I've just started picking away at the book. In the introduction she writes about how it's helpful to differentiate between embarrassment, guilt, humiliation, and shame.

I like semantics, so I am mulling over these definitions.

embarrassment is typically fleeting, often funny, and very normal (ie. these things happen to everyone).

guilt is what we feel when our behavior is inconsistent with who we want to be.

humiliation was summed up thusly -- whereas people believe they deserve their shame; they do not believe they deserve their humiliation. (Also, repeated humiliation can lead to shame.)

and shame -- if guilt is "I did something bad" then shame manifests as "I AM bad."

Something to think about and puzzle over whether I, like a lot of people, use these words interchangeably.

Comments

[curriejean.livejournal.com]

It's really helpful to see this fleshed out clearly. If I haven't been doing the switcheroo in my mind (not sure), I've definitely been blurring the lines between them.

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

yeah, I'm really looking forward to getting into the meat of the book. I have a feeling I've internalized a whole bunch of stuff I shouldn't have.

[verasteine.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the rec! This sounds interesting. I googled the woman and it turns out she's got letters behind her name and knows what she's on about, so this might be a good one. I'm intrigued.

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

I debated putting the Dr. before her name, and just didn't! I haven't gotten far enough into it to know how useful it will be for me, but I have a feeling I might learn something :)

[verasteine.livejournal.com]

Self help is one of those dangerous areas of publishing that resembles a jungle; qualified people mix with the not-so-qualified nutters that are looking for a gold mine. So I'm cautious. I'm gonna keep this one in mind; let me know if you think it good, yeah?