bluecastle | (no subject)

Have been trying to catch up with my flisties today. Have been pretty bad lately at keeping up when I'm not at work. It's easy when I'm stuck in front of the computer all day to keep reading, but logging in at night on my desktop, or on the weekends feels like too much work a lot of the time. This is where I try not to be all "yeah, I suck." But I sort of do. The gulf between what I want to read/comment on/participate in is so far from what I actually do.

And I was going to say I hadn't written anything in 2011, but a cursory glace through my journal tells me I wrote 11,769 words last year. Granted almost 8,000 of them was for my reel_merlin AU, but still that was a bigger number than I thought it was going to be. Writing that fic really did my head in somehow and made me want to stop writing forever most days. I'm still trying to decide if that impulse is telling me something or if I should just tell that "you suck" voice in my head to bugger off. The truth, I suspect is somewhere in between. I think the truth sounds something like "I am occasionally inspired to write things, but I will never be "a writer."" So yeah. Where it gets tricky is wanting to hang out with my online pals ... who are mostly online WRITING things. Still figuring out how I feel about that. Mostly I end up feeling ugly stepsister-ish in my own head, but working through that day by day.

2011 was a year of new things: New job, new cat, new car ... and today was the first first of the month in something like 8 years that I haven't had to write a rent check to my parents. This house is now paid off. *falls over* Of course, now I get to spend the next three years paying off the car. And taking over paying the taxes/municipal fees/heating bills.

Spent New Year's Eve with my pals whose cats I was watching since before Christmas. This turned out to be a good deal when I unwrapped the baby Keurig they got me for cat sitting/Christmas. Zoweee... what a great present!!! And a hug at evening's end. And SO MUCH FOOD!!!

Would still like someone to curl up next to at the end of the day ... but alas ... we don't get everything, do we?

Have a few vauge resolutions like "take better care of myself" (eat better, move more, keep a cleaner house) but I'm also throwing in Monday Movie night. I always say "I should see more movies" so I decided that since there's not anything on TV monday nights, I would just start taking myself to the movies every monday night. Must figure out what to go and see tomorrow night. It's my last night of vacation, so I'll be all depressed, so it should probably be something that won't make me even more depressed... :)

And I keep saying I'm going to finish that Merlin workplace things I started November before last during NaNo and don't have a beginning or an ending for. So we'll see.

So that's me, and my year end wrap up etc... it does all kind of come back to "suck less" doesn't it?!!