in which I flail. sorry.
Aug. 29th, 2011 03:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bluecastleUGH. What is this day? It isn't even bad, per se ... lotsa work work to do, now just need to make myself do it.
But its my brain getting in my way. I seem to be in the midst of one of those spells where said brain/the voices in my head feel the need to go on and on about how unlovable I am ... and how other people have better more meaningful friend/relation/ships than I do, and how useless I am as a human being that I can't even manage to do laundry and why doesn't anyone love me and and and...
I hate when the self-hate starts to spiral out of control. Mostly because it takes up all my energy spending all day going "does not! does not! no! no! no!" ... and that's the energy I need to do a week's worth of dishes, and several weeks worth of laundry.
UGH.
Its all stupid. And unhelpful. And depressing. And 97% untrue.
Why am I so mean to myself??????? Why am I always so wrapped up in jealously mode? I don't like myself when I'm like that. Which leads right back to the self hate.
*flail*
The rational part of my brain is fine. Really. The irrational part of my brain is throwing a wobby and really needs hugs, an ice cream cone, and a nap. LOL
Anyway. Time to get back to the day job where I actually get paid to put up links to Crocodile Rock so that students can study popular music. Rock on, I guess.
But its my brain getting in my way. I seem to be in the midst of one of those spells where said brain/the voices in my head feel the need to go on and on about how unlovable I am ... and how other people have better more meaningful friend/relation/ships than I do, and how useless I am as a human being that I can't even manage to do laundry and why doesn't anyone love me and and and...
I hate when the self-hate starts to spiral out of control. Mostly because it takes up all my energy spending all day going "does not! does not! no! no! no!" ... and that's the energy I need to do a week's worth of dishes, and several weeks worth of laundry.
UGH.
Its all stupid. And unhelpful. And depressing. And 97% untrue.
Why am I so mean to myself??????? Why am I always so wrapped up in jealously mode? I don't like myself when I'm like that. Which leads right back to the self hate.
*flail*
The rational part of my brain is fine. Really. The irrational part of my brain is throwing a wobby and really needs hugs, an ice cream cone, and a nap. LOL
Anyway. Time to get back to the day job where I actually get paid to put up links to Crocodile Rock so that students can study popular music. Rock on, I guess.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 09:06 pm (UTC)Sending virtual ice cream and naps and very-real-not-virtual-at-all (or so I wish) hugs! And I'm gonna tuck a few gratitude notes into the journal you made me so they karmically belong to you too!
::cuddles::
no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 09:17 pm (UTC)::snuggles::
♥ x a million. posessing the brain of a four year old throwing a tantrum is indeed a pain. ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 09:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-30 02:29 pm (UTC)