NaNo and what it's taught me in 25,000 words. :D

[bluecastle]

So is that a ray of light at the end of the tunnel... or an oncoming train?!!

NaNoWriMo is nearly over. My current word count stands at 24,242 and I will get that to 25K sometime before midnight tomorrow.

Since paragraphs  posed the question some time back about "what has NaNo taught you?" I have been mulling this over.

On one hand, I feel like a giant great big fat ugly LOSER. 25K is NOT 50K. I couldn't keep up. I didn't write a novel. I didn't write every day. Must of what I wrote was pointless nonsense. The inner editor (who, no surprise, sounds a lot like my mother) has been spending a lot of time chanting LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER in my head.

But that's okay. Inner Editor says that a lot about a lot of things.

So. Great. Own the losing bit and move on. So what did I LEARN?

Well, one thing I knew before, and this just confirmed it is I cannot write on command. My brain seizes up and I just sit there, fingers on the keyboard and suddenly there is dead space in my head. Plus the stress of it all gave me giant knots in my neck and shoulders.

So somehow I have to find a way around my own head. I've been playing around with writing a couple hundred words every morning when I wake up. Just random diary entry stuff, with story ideas sprinkled in. I am hoping at some point to start writing more than a few hundred words. If you are a disciple of Julia Cameron, it's three hand written pages every morning. The 750words.org website suggests, well, 750 words a day.

All of which is great, and I agree that pushing oneself is good. Well, no, PUSHING is bad, at least for me. Goals are good, and encouraging oneself to write MORE is good. But I think for now, maybe I will let word count go, and just write a bit, every day, of something, even if its just more whining about my life.

I learned it's hard to write a lot and still READ fic. Haven't rec'd anything over at 12Steps all month, and I feel bad about that.

I learned I don't like myself when my immediate reaction to anyone's "Hey I wrote 5,000 words today" (or whatever amount) is "FUCK. I SUCK." Admittedly I am very glad FOR them. But it makes me feel sorry about myself. I sort of hate that, but have chucked it into the box of "things I don't like very much about myself."

So, have I reached any conclusions after all this self-absorbed rambling?

Write a little everyday.
Keep track of the ideas, for you never know when they will inspire.
Too much pressure is BAD. My impulse for failure avoidance kicks in and I just shut right down.
Be gentle with myself. I am just a baby writer, and just learning to walk (metaphorically speaking).
Writing is hard.

I'm kind of glad I did it. 25,000 words in a month is a great deal of writing for me. I haven't gone back and re-read much of what I wrote. That's for the new year. I know there's one big Merlin/Arthur AU in there. There's the germ of a Sherlock/John story I think. There's some original fic that may or may not amount to anything.

But December is looming. I have a really great scrap journal I made to work in for next month. I signed up for an on-line class last year I didn't do much with called "Journal Your Christmas." It's a lifetime membership though, so I think I will spend some time with those prompts and my journal and pictures and whatnot, and have a jolly holiday.

You learn something in everything you do... and most times learning what you DON'T want is as valuable (or even more so) than learning what you DO want.

I'm still going to have a little happy dance with I cross the 25K mark. Some people do half marathons don't they? This entry was originally posted at http://valancy-joy.dreamwidth.org/137290.html

Comments

[alba17.livejournal.com]

I think 25k in a month is fantastic! Nothing to sneeze at at all. You should be very proud of that. I hope to read a finished story eventually from what you've written.

I think I did the Julia Cameron "write every day" thing a long time ago, when I read that book. I did journaling, not fiction writing. I haven't looked back at that book since this fan fic writing kick started. Could be interesting.

It's really hard to read fic while you're spending that much time writing. Also if you have the problem I have, which is dying of envy when I read something really good, "why can't I write like that?"

learning what you DON'T want is as valuable (or even more so) than learning what you DO want. This is so true.

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

OH, yeah, I'm not sneezing at all at the (nearly) 25K (gotta get ON that :) I am proud of that, just always aware that it is only half was I was "supposed to do" etc.

:P *sticks out tongue at word counts* LOL

Oh, for sure I have that fic envy thing. Makes it hard to read stuff while I'm struggling to finish a fic for sure!!