NaNo and what it's taught me in 25,000 words. :D

[bluecastle]

So is that a ray of light at the end of the tunnel... or an oncoming train?!!

NaNoWriMo is nearly over. My current word count stands at 24,242 and I will get that to 25K sometime before midnight tomorrow.

Since paragraphs  posed the question some time back about "what has NaNo taught you?" I have been mulling this over.

On one hand, I feel like a giant great big fat ugly LOSER. 25K is NOT 50K. I couldn't keep up. I didn't write a novel. I didn't write every day. Must of what I wrote was pointless nonsense. The inner editor (who, no surprise, sounds a lot like my mother) has been spending a lot of time chanting LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER in my head.

But that's okay. Inner Editor says that a lot about a lot of things.

So. Great. Own the losing bit and move on. So what did I LEARN?

Well, one thing I knew before, and this just confirmed it is I cannot write on command. My brain seizes up and I just sit there, fingers on the keyboard and suddenly there is dead space in my head. Plus the stress of it all gave me giant knots in my neck and shoulders.

So somehow I have to find a way around my own head. I've been playing around with writing a couple hundred words every morning when I wake up. Just random diary entry stuff, with story ideas sprinkled in. I am hoping at some point to start writing more than a few hundred words. If you are a disciple of Julia Cameron, it's three hand written pages every morning. The 750words.org website suggests, well, 750 words a day.

All of which is great, and I agree that pushing oneself is good. Well, no, PUSHING is bad, at least for me. Goals are good, and encouraging oneself to write MORE is good. But I think for now, maybe I will let word count go, and just write a bit, every day, of something, even if its just more whining about my life.

I learned it's hard to write a lot and still READ fic. Haven't rec'd anything over at 12Steps all month, and I feel bad about that.

I learned I don't like myself when my immediate reaction to anyone's "Hey I wrote 5,000 words today" (or whatever amount) is "FUCK. I SUCK." Admittedly I am very glad FOR them. But it makes me feel sorry about myself. I sort of hate that, but have chucked it into the box of "things I don't like very much about myself."

So, have I reached any conclusions after all this self-absorbed rambling?

Write a little everyday.
Keep track of the ideas, for you never know when they will inspire.
Too much pressure is BAD. My impulse for failure avoidance kicks in and I just shut right down.
Be gentle with myself. I am just a baby writer, and just learning to walk (metaphorically speaking).
Writing is hard.

I'm kind of glad I did it. 25,000 words in a month is a great deal of writing for me. I haven't gone back and re-read much of what I wrote. That's for the new year. I know there's one big Merlin/Arthur AU in there. There's the germ of a Sherlock/John story I think. There's some original fic that may or may not amount to anything.

But December is looming. I have a really great scrap journal I made to work in for next month. I signed up for an on-line class last year I didn't do much with called "Journal Your Christmas." It's a lifetime membership though, so I think I will spend some time with those prompts and my journal and pictures and whatnot, and have a jolly holiday.

You learn something in everything you do... and most times learning what you DON'T want is as valuable (or even more so) than learning what you DO want.

I'm still going to have a little happy dance with I cross the 25K mark. Some people do half marathons don't they? This entry was originally posted at http://valancy-joy.dreamwidth.org/137290.html

Comments

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

For me, writing every day doesn't work. Weekdays are harder, as the evenings just don't give much time (or brain) to get things done. Got too much to worry over. Weekends though are golden, and where I get most of the writing done and that is in shifts--early morning, and then after N goes to bed in the evenings. :)

After this thing I have now is done I'm going to set my 'chapter a week' pace of old but make it '2 chapters a week' and see how that goes. :)

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

I'm all for whatever works! :)

If I didn't have the pesky after work momcall, I'd stop somewhere on my way home and get the writing in. But now I just gotta shove it in where I can. And without being a mom or having SO time, there are more opportunities for me I suspect.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Does she think you must have that call or does she call for her ownself? I have wondered, it reminds me of hte spouse. I really hated cell phones at first, because my 'sneak by the bookstore' turned into 'where are you what are you doing' which annoyed me.

Nick of course can call whenever and however often he wants, but that is different.

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

The evening momcall is me calling her to say I am home safe.

It's a fine line between concerned and controlling.

I could go back out after that, but its stupid to backtrack from where I just was. I do sneak out from time to time, but its always a bit of a crapshoot, 'cause if she tried to call me and I wasn't there, it becomes a thing, despite my having my cell phone and it usually being on.

It annoys me too because it forces me to run my whole life past her.

Also they don't know I write, so...

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Controlling and concern, I'd say in that order. I was married to your mom. Seriously. She won't call the cell? I'd get rid of the land line, myself. LOL.

I do pretty well with my two--there are times I worry my socks off about them (Tiff for instance had to drive up to Norman, OK this morning, leaving at 4:45...so I called when I got up, and she checked in a couple of times). She's pretty good about that, but it is a courtesy thing more than anything. Not required, though here and there if I haven't heard from her, or her brother, I will text them.

When Tiff moves to Wherever, USA after graduation if she gets this job? I imagine we will talk often, but no set routine.

Nick does a once-weekly call with his parents. Every Sunday.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Oh, and only my middle sister Leslie knows about my writing for Loose-Id. My dad? Nope. My MIL? HELL NO. I am very very thankful my writing group could care less, as that is not so easy to find around here!

One co-worker knows. The others--no WAY. Thank goodness for writing friends!