bluecastle | still raining... (Reply)

In conjunction with the release of Dr. Brene Brown’s new book, “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are” the crafty blog world is doing a “Protest Perfection” week.

I’m not sure how related that is to the thinky thoughts I’ve been having lately about a couple of “rules” that have been ingrained in me for so long I am hard pressed to escape them, and that are messing me up in all kinds of ways that they were not intended to. But somehow I think there is some connective tissue there, none the less.

These rules are so much a part of me I might as well call them tenents …

“Don’t speak until spoken to.”

And

“Don’t go where you’re not invited.”

The most common example of the first one is that social construct of saying “Good Morning” to your co-workers. I don’t. Unless they wish me good morning first and then I am happy to respond. Which somehow gives me the reputation of being stuck up and aloof. When in fact, I’m just waiting for your permission to engage with you.

I grew up an only child in an adult centered world, so I was taught from an early age that if I was going to be with the group, then I needed to learn how to sit still and keep my mouth shut. The upshot of which was that I never really learned how to be social. I learned how to hide in my room and read.

And the second one trips me up all the time too, as, not unlike the first rule, I am always waiting for someone else to initiate contact. I never call my friends to see if they want to do something, I wait for them to call. I know this is bad, but coupled with being more-or-less terrified of the phone… well, that gets in my way.

And online I always hesitate to jump into conversations that are going on, despite intellectually knowing that I can … because I always think that I will be an unwelcome intrusion. “Don’t interrupt” might be the third rule, and should perhaps be added to that list of rules up there.

And it all comes back to perfection in my head when I think about it because these rules were given to me mostly by my mother who is a Type A Perfectionist who wants her world to play by her rules. You don’t sit in her chair when she’s in the room, you don’t turn the tv channel if she’s watching something…

I know I need to be more proactive about making my own life. But these things, they trip me up and mess with my head. I don’t know what the solution is, or if there even is one, but it’s good to get the thinky thoughts out of your head and down on paper (or pixels anyway), right?

So I’d like to protest perfection, but it’s a tough thing to do, despite being very aware of my own flaws.

Welcome to my brain … I’ll be the one over in the corner reading the book about protesting perfection whilst sitting very still and being very quiet!

This entry was originally posted at http://valancy-joy.dreamwidth.org/130728.html